March 29, 2010 § Leave a comment

I didn’t expect an apology
Or a goodbye
Not this time
Not when the slamming of your door
Still rings in my ears
But I hope that you are sorry
For running into my life
With a bomb strapped to your body
Prepared to blow up
Every good thing in sight
And I hope that you feel remorse
For the intense way
That you made my body shake
In a bed that was far too big
For what you broke
And I hope that one day
Your heart hurts as bad as mine did
When I found myself
Standing in the rubble
Of what used to be
A pretty amazing life
Of what used to be
Everything to me.

So I found this tonight. Tucked into my notebook. And it made me laugh kind of, at how much things can change in such a small amount of time. At how things can seem so life-altering and important and then fade so quickly into the background.

Because after I found that, I re-read something that I wrote last night…

For a while there
I was convinced
That I wouldn’t be able
To breathe without you
And the hollow feeling
In my small chest
Only proved that
With more intensity than necessary
Until I realized
That there was absolutely nothing
I could do
To change things
To change you
And now that you are content
With your hatred
I am content with my life
With the way my breath
Comes out easily enough
Ever since the hollow feeling
In my small chest
And I realized
That I would breathe just fine
Without you.

So I guess even if he came running into my life with the intention of blowing everything apart, he never really held that much weight. I was the one with all the power. I just wanted to give him the blame. I guess a lot of things just seem to be falling into place for me lately. A lot of things are just now starting to make so much sense.

On another note, I took a bath tonight. Just me, my headphones, and my thoughts. And it was nice until I started sweating uncontrollably. I guess I just wanted to be alone.

Top Ten things that are Happy to me at the moment =

1. Moving to LA.
2. Getting better!
3. Eating way too much ice cream.
4. Tegan being IN LOVE with her mom.
5. Bruno snores.
6. Writing AGAIN.
7. Sons of Anarchy (Jackson meowww)
8. Sticking up for myself.
9. Half sleeve ideas.
10. Bella and Edward. And Jacob.


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