Ready to talk.

April 5, 2010 § Leave a comment

I’m not sure if I was happier with the hate, or the love. But the minute that text message fell into my unsuspecting hands, I was done. Because that hate kept me so far away that I almost forgot how to even think about it. I almost forgot about him. And now that my mind is so far fucked, I am not sure how to even move forward.

Because I am pretty sure that I wasn’t lying when I vowed to be “over it.” I’m pretty sure that at that moment, I was okay. And now…

Oh dear.

And I am so torn on how to act, that I don’t even know who I am anymore. And it takes so much more self control to hold myself back from telling him I love him, than it did to hate him.

And I’m in a mess now. I guess, of my own making. For loving and losing and never wanting to move on.

Eh.

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