Way past time.

April 30, 2010 § Leave a comment

I find myself being so angry. So unlike me. Because he barged back into my life with no intention of sticking around. He forced himself back into my mind. When I was content with him hating me. With him being gone. For good.

And I was okay. I promise you I was.
But I’m not anymore.

And I don’t understand why he did that. To get back at me? So late?
To make sure that I didn’t forget about him? I promised him I never would.

And I wish that I could forgive him for that night. For the texts that he had no business sending to me. But I don’t think I ever will. Because he said that I was his whole life. When he already started a new one with her. He told me that he wished I was there. He told me that things with this new girl were going downhill fast.

And I will never forgive him for lying.

And I am so embarrassed by the things that I have done to try to get his attention. For asking for help. For crying too much and too frequently. For everything.

And the only hope through all the bullshit is the fact that I am going to leave this place behind. For at least a little while. That I am going to grab my life back. That I am going to do things that make me happy. Things that won’t even necessarily just be “good for me.”

And this will be the last time I vent out about him.
Nobody will ever hear me yell out for him. Never again.

This can’t be who I am now.

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