Too drunk to…

June 1, 2010 § Leave a comment

I’m sad tonight.

And sometimes the decisions that I make when I drink, baffle me. But I make them. Over and over again. Until finally I was forced to realize that something isn’t right.

I’m not depressed. I’m fairly happy for the most part. And I am a good and loyal person. Someone who loves people with such terrifying intensity. So what happened to me?

And I hate those people that blame their bad behavior on drinking. But tonight I’m going to have to steal a page out of their book.

Because I was so disappointing. I didn’t need him to tell me that.

And although I deserved to be told that my actions were bad, I didn’t deserve to be abandoned. To be hated. Not by him.

But I will keep quiet. Because he asked me to. And I’ve always wanted to do everything he asked.

But I will be sad. And regretful. And upset. And angry. And disgusted. In my own ways.

But this will force me into a series of self improvements. I won’t drink. At least for a while. And when I do again, I will never do it to the point of insanity. Because I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to hurt myself.

Not anymore.

And I won’t talk about it anymore. Or make annoying promises, I’ll just act.
And someday, I will thank him for being the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And I will mean it.

Good fucking night.

Where Am I?

You are currently viewing the archives for June, 2010 at Heatherjoylove's Blog.