June 1, 2010 § Leave a comment
I’m sad tonight.
And sometimes the decisions that I make when I drink, baffle me. But I make them. Over and over again. Until finally I was forced to realize that something isn’t right.
I’m not depressed. I’m fairly happy for the most part. And I am a good and loyal person. Someone who loves people with such terrifying intensity. So what happened to me?
And I hate those people that blame their bad behavior on drinking. But tonight I’m going to have to steal a page out of their book.
Because I was so disappointing. I didn’t need him to tell me that.
And although I deserved to be told that my actions were bad, I didn’t deserve to be abandoned. To be hated. Not by him.
But I will keep quiet. Because he asked me to. And I’ve always wanted to do everything he asked.
But I will be sad. And regretful. And upset. And angry. And disgusted. In my own ways.
But this will force me into a series of self improvements. I won’t drink. At least for a while. And when I do again, I will never do it to the point of insanity. Because I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to hurt myself.
And I won’t talk about it anymore. Or make annoying promises, I’ll just act.
And someday, I will thank him for being the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And I will mean it.
Good fucking night.