July 28, 2010 § Leave a comment

Well I have been in LA for almost two months. And the day that I realized that I could never live here in the heat and the filth, was the same day that I stopped trying to find a job. So I’ve been hanging out. Painting and writing and spending money that I don’t have to spend. But it’s been so great. So perfect. Because I was such a mopey and self destructive asshole before I left. And I just wanted some time to figure out what was wrong with me. And what was motivating me to act out in strange ways.

And I finally did.

I have spent hours writing down and just seriously thinking about my life. And what kind of person I truly was. All judgements and shit talk aside. And I’m not the type of person I chose to be because my heart was broken. Or the crazy stumbling drunk girl.

I’ve drank like 4 or 5 times since I’ve been here. All within reason. All fun. No harm done.

And everything feels good.

And even though the last couple of weeks I have been so incredibly anxious about going home. To face all the people I wronged. To face all the people that have wronged me. I am ready now.

To go home. To grow up.

And I guess I’m just really proud of myself. For not stressing out when I didn’t get a job. For charging up my credit card. For just relaxing and doing what I should have done a long time ago.

Living. Being free.

So that now when I go home. I can be someone worth someone else’s time. So I can find some people that are worth mine. And love the ones that were from the beginning.


Where Am I?

You are currently viewing the archives for July, 2010 at Heatherjoylove's Blog.