Happiness and Shit.
September 8, 2010 § Leave a comment
Today, I feel like incredible happiness was put into a blender. With a little sadness sprinkled in. And it appears that I drank the shit out of that mix. (I told you so, Heather. Love, Heather)
In exactly one week from today, I will be in Michigan. Back to real life.
Where fairytales don’t exist anymore. And everyone knows too much about me. Or pretends to.
And a couple weeks ago, I was anticipating that long drive. I was begging for it. But now…
I know that I have worn out my welcome in this town. I know that it is time to move on. To run for my life in the opposite direction. To never look back.
I know all of this.
But there are things I am going to miss now. Places. People.
There are feelings. Irrational and completely crazy feelings.
So it’s good, right?! Because there are still words that I am avoiding. Even when the most important have been said. And to stay any longer would be the end of me. And this heart, that I just recently rediscovered.
So yes, goodbye. Goodbye.
I will miss you. Goodbye.
Oh, how I wish that things were different.
When I just stopped wishing for things.
“I’ve tried to get you out of my head but I can’t seem to get you out of my flesh.” -Jeanette Winterson
I got the opportunity to thank Brian for saving my life. After keeping quiet for an entire summer. And it felt good. Relieving. To know that he knows I am sorry. That I wouldn’t have done all of this without him.
So I guess there is always beauty in discontent.