Total Ghey.

September 8, 2010 § Leave a comment

I feel like I don’t ever want to stop writing. Not today. Not when everything is so fresh in my mind. Not when I can still pick his skin out of a line-up. Not when I can close my eyes and see his face in such incredible detail.

I know I’m being dramatic, but I want it that way. Today, I want to feel sorry for myself. And I want to imagine different endings. And I want to feel so incredibly sad happy.

Because eventually, I’m going to want have to “get over it.”

But not tonight. Tonight I am going to be super lame. And as gay as I can possibly stand.

But tomorrow. Even if I feel like screaming from the rooftops, I am going to try to keep quiet. I am going to try to be realistic and mature about this. I am going to try to make some sense out of my world. Without him.

But tonight. Before I go to bed. I am going to remember every inch of his face. I am going to remember how his bottom lip sticks out when he talks. I am going to remember his skin. And all his scars. I am going to remember that the skin on his back is raised in certain spots in his tattoo. I am going to remember that his skin is harder in his elbows. And that his hands fit in mine, without hurting my fingers. I am going to remember his voice. His sounds. The way he moves. His laugh.

I am going to remember everything.

And then I am going to try to stop remembering.

Because my chest feels like shit today. And even a hot shower couldn’t wash his fingerprints down the drain.

Mehblahmehsighblahmeh.

But I did answer my own question. I know now that I would rather know how I felt. And not be able to do anything about it. Rather than be unaware that I had this in me still.

<3! So thankful. So I L.

Advertisements

Tagged: ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading Total Ghey. at Heatherjoylove's Blog.

meta

%d bloggers like this: