09.16.10

September 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

So I was thinking today (because someone else put it in my head) about whether or not we ever find “the ONE.” That thought has never been more terrifying before today. And it’s not that I am afraid that I will never find him. Believe me. It’s the thought that I could be content and then eventually have my world turned upside down, by someone completely different. And maybe that is why I am terrified of commitment. Why I usually don’t believe in people’s “Love.” Maybe that is why I trust so frequently, but love so completely on my own.

But knowing that there is someone across this world, that I physically connect with on so many levels, is so frustrating/beautiful. Because it makes me believe that eventually, I will find someone that will fulfill me in ways that I never imagined I was capable of. And I will find someone that will (like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire) complete me. I was always so completely convinced that it didn’t exist, before so recently. And I am so happy that I am finally aware that it exists, yet so sad that I found it with someone that can’t be a part of my life.

But just knowing. Knowing that I have that passion in me. Knowing I have that light and that fire, makes me so hopeful for the future. So alive.

So regardless of my heart. Or how old I convince myself I am getting…I am going to find another man to love me. With such heat. Such intensity. And I am going to latch on to that with such an incredible grip, that nobody will be able to pry it open.

I promise myself that.

“I’m in love with the world. Through the eyes of a girl. Who’s still around the morning after.” -Elliott Smith.

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