Say goodnight and go.
September 27, 2010 § Leave a comment
The minute I pushed send, I felt my chest cave in on itself. As though this heart was keeping everything intact. And I read the words out loud to myself, to make sure that everything was delivered correctly, until my voice started to crack. Until my eyes threatened me with tears, that weren’t meant for me this time around. So I stopped long enough to catch my breath and convince myself that this was the most mature decision I would make all year.
And I guess I should be so proud of myself. For doing what’s right. For me. For Him. For us.
I just don’t feel like being happy about it today. I don’t feel like much of anything.
So goodnight world. I’m going to go sleep this away. And go to work to distract this away. Then go out to hide this away. Behind fake laughter. And smiles that will convince even me.
I know that I’m dramatic, but I feel dramatic tonight.
Like someone pulled out the rug while I was running towards something that I loved.
“Wait for the year to drown. Spring forward. Fall back down. I’m trying not to wonder where you are.”