Hope.

October 16, 2010 § Leave a comment

I feel a certain kind of hope now, that everything is going to be okay. It has to be. Even if I have to force myself upon it. Even if I have to change the things that I once hoped for.

One week ago (maybe two) a boy bought me a dreamcatcher in the bar, because I never remember my dreams. And when we left, he sat across from me in his car and handed me a comic book. In the front page, he very creatively and sincerely asked me to be his girlfriend. And I took a huge intake of breath. I smiled. And then I accepted. Telling him that I couldn’t have possibly resisted that. That I couldn’t have possibly resisted him. And I meant it.

And the realization that I was growing up, made me smile the entire way home.

I’m always smiling.

And my friends like him. They tell me that he is good for me. Sweet. Nice looking. Sincere. Small. And that’s the first time in a long time, they have been able to say all of those things about one person. That’s the first time in a long time, that I have been able to say all of those things.

And a lot of times now, I notice his absence. I wish he were here. Or there. Or wherever I might be. Because it’s time I started to know him now. Completely know him.

Because he can know me. He can love me. He can be a part of my life.

He can.

So here’s to hope. A new form of hope. But hope nonetheless.

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