November 29, 2010 § Leave a comment
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about responsibility. And the future. And about myself and what I want. Because for as long as I can remember, I have been so horribly concerned with what other people wanted. What other people expected. From me.
And now it’s time to move on from that. To take my life back from everyone that is grabbing for a piece.
And a lot of this self discovery was terrifying. And hard to face. A lot of it was shocking.
But I’m starting to come to terms with the way things are. And the way that things should be. And I’m starting to figure out the difference between being happy and being content in a routine, that I never wanted to be a part of. And the people in my life. The ones that I willingly subject myself to. Are both horrible and perfect, in a mixture that could never make sense. And some of them make me strive to be a better person, while others will stop at nothing to pull me down.
I used to be both kinds of people. I sometimes supported. I sometimes knocked down.
But I’m different now.
More accepting. More forgiving.
Less vindictive. Less shallow.
And I’m so proud of the woman that I have become in such a short amount of time. The kind of woman, that knows the difference between love and lust. That has the ability to own every mistake she has made. That can put an end to the self destruction, and pull herself up out of the rubble.
And I’m figuring out new ways to appreciate myself. To love myself.
And I’m free to be happy. And sad. And inspiring. And lovely. And ugly. And crazy. And creative.