March 28, 2011 § Leave a comment
It’s easy for me to get carried away. I do it all the time. But eventually, I always find myself floating back to the ground. And sometimes the feeling is that of being on a roller coaster. My stomach drops out and it’s easier to just hold my breath, then scream.
It’s easy for me to make up little dream worlds in my head. I’ve been doing that for years. Latching on to an ideal of perfection, until reality comes to blow it all apart.
These dreams are never real. And that is why you always wake up. Sweating and disoriented, wondering how you ever got there in the first place.
You always wake up.
And you always end up wanting something more than what you have.
And if you say that you don’t, then you are being dishonest.
And I’ve always been true to myself.
So I guess it’s time to start finding myself again. I guess it’s time to start building on my own foundation. My own dream world.
It’s time to get carried away. To dream and never wake up.
It’s time to make big decisions. To accept the fate. To accept the doom.
March 26, 2011 Enter your password to view comments.
March 18, 2011 § Leave a comment
It’s really hard to write anything worthwhile, when nothing is wrong. When everything is beautiful, and nothing at all, is fucked. Like all the perfect words, are hiding. Making this horribly hard to define.
But this doesn’t require a definition. It defines me.
Makes me smile. Makes me believe.
And today, I got a picture that was a perfect representation of my love. The way my body was relaxed. The way my hands reached. Everything was how it should be. ❤
Things making me happy today:
Uploaded photos. Textlove. Picture text. Social network. GH. Catching up with Kel. My dad getting mad at me for making him look at my bright orange pee. Konstantine-Something Corporate. Always smiling. Egg rolls. No work. Hidden tracks. Bruno. Tegan. Long naps.
March 16, 2011 § Leave a comment
Yes, I know I have been the worst blogger lately. But I am currently residing in this state of mind, where everything is so irrationally beautiful. Constantly daydreaming. Making all kinds of plans that will never see the light.
And it’s like a slideshow of photographs are circling in my head these days.
Irrational thoughts. Secret dreams.
And I’m content with this. Happy, even.
Because I’m in love. So completely, that I can’t understand how I’ve been keeping so quiet. So completely, that I don’t know how I’ve been able to will it into seclusion for all these months.
Perhaps, because it was always with me. Perhaps, because I chose to believe it was always with him too.
I got back from LA this week. It seems like so long ago, I was living there. In all of that sunshine. In all of that inspiration. And even though I hated it at the time, I miss it when I let myself. And maybe had I gotten a job and my own home, I would have stayed. At least long enough, to never have doubts about my decision to come home.
That part, doesn’t have anything to do with him. Promise.
But now, a lot of times, I wish I lived there because I feel like I’m missing out on something that is very important. Like I’m only casually living this life that could be filled with so much incredible love. Every day.
Yes, I am a total loser.
Things making me happy :
My baybee. Feefster pictures. GH. Back to work. Bright eyes. Crystal castles followed by the most severe hangover of my adult life. Sonic. Ordering everything on the menu at coney with Scotty. Legit Best friends. Little hipster wanting to make out. Dancing. Centipede necklace. LA confidential (shitbird). Bob Dylan always. Owen. Just love. Quarter babies. Best movies ever en route. Tegan stalker. Snoring pug.
And always smiling.