March 16, 2011 § Leave a comment
Yes, I know I have been the worst blogger lately. But I am currently residing in this state of mind, where everything is so irrationally beautiful. Constantly daydreaming. Making all kinds of plans that will never see the light.
And it’s like a slideshow of photographs are circling in my head these days.
Irrational thoughts. Secret dreams.
And I’m content with this. Happy, even.
Because I’m in love. So completely, that I can’t understand how I’ve been keeping so quiet. So completely, that I don’t know how I’ve been able to will it into seclusion for all these months.
Perhaps, because it was always with me. Perhaps, because I chose to believe it was always with him too.
I got back from LA this week. It seems like so long ago, I was living there. In all of that sunshine. In all of that inspiration. And even though I hated it at the time, I miss it when I let myself. And maybe had I gotten a job and my own home, I would have stayed. At least long enough, to never have doubts about my decision to come home.
That part, doesn’t have anything to do with him. Promise.
But now, a lot of times, I wish I lived there because I feel like I’m missing out on something that is very important. Like I’m only casually living this life that could be filled with so much incredible love. Every day.
Yes, I am a total loser.
Things making me happy :
My baybee. Feefster pictures. GH. Back to work. Bright eyes. Crystal castles followed by the most severe hangover of my adult life. Sonic. Ordering everything on the menu at coney with Scotty. Legit Best friends. Little hipster wanting to make out. Dancing. Centipede necklace. LA confidential (shitbird). Bob Dylan always. Owen. Just love. Quarter babies. Best movies ever en route. Tegan stalker. Snoring pug.
And always smiling.