January 14, 2012 § Leave a comment
In 2011, I stopped trying to bend and manipulate myself into these molds that people were making for me. With that, came some heart break, some fear, and some self exploration. Oh, and some disappointments. Because I suppose that making myself into the kind of person that I wanted to become, meant having certain expectations for the people around me. Meant believing that I was surrounding myself with the most positive of people. The kind of people that would treat me the way that I became so deserving of.
But things never work out that way. You love people so much that making excuses for them, becomes second nature. And there comes a point when you don’t even realize that you are doing that, at all. When your heart disconnects from your mind, and you’re left oblivious of the way that you truly feel.
I’ve felt betrayed. I’ve felt heart break that follows me around the world. I’ve felt worried that I wasn’t enough for someone else.
That I wasn’t good enough.
But then I started looking around. At the way that I make people feel. At the lies that I refuse to tell, and the love that I so easily give away. And I realized that it doesn’t really matter what other people think. Because I look at myself in the mirror every single day, and I see such a beautiful woman. No longer a scared, unimportant, little girl. A woman. And she is the best person that I could ever have hoped to become.
I’m proud of who I am. I’m deliriously happy with the things that I am going to accomplish. And I don’t need anything else. Because eventually, the people in your life, stop trying to impress you. They forget about the romance. They forget about what made you fall in love with them, as a person, in the first place. Eventually, they become resigned in the fact that you will love them.
And being the person that I am, I will love them. I will believe in them. I will support them and show them everything I see.
That is what makes me so beautiful.
That is what keeps me alive.